Abu Dhabi to Bangkok

You grab your hand luggage out of the overhead compartment because any other bodily need is now second to your craving for a small puff on your little stick of nicotine. (They claim to have smoke detectors in the toilet on the airplane – but after seeing what that hole in the toilet can do, I WOULD NOT go in there again. You run through all the ninja-dressed people – please do not say “ninja” out loud… You look on your handy watch on your Blackberry and see that you have another hour to fill your lungs with the foul taste of Marlboro. The most important phrase to learn when you go to a foreign country? Where the heck can I smoke and what is the quickest way to get there? You get to the smoking area – you don’t even need to have your own cigarettes, you can just inhale the big clouds of smoke hanging around you. You check your phone to see if you can send a message to the very worried parents to say that you arrived in the hot ninja-filled country and the little Blackberry in your hand automatically updates your time. First thought – COOOOOOL. Second thought – oh shit I can’t finish this cigarette because I have 10 minutes to find (and get through) customs and board the new airplane. 

Give your cigarette to the closest nicotine starving stranger and start running. Nothing attracts more attention than two disorientated foreigners running through a very busy Abu Dhabi struggling to keep their hand luggage intact.

You get through customs in less than 2 minutes – this is a well-oiled machine I tell you. You get to the official and realize he does not understand a word of English or Afrikaans or any amount of hand gestures. Hand him your ticket and he points you to the waiting area. You sit and wait for the plane and think about your cigarette that some stranger is enjoying now. While waiting some sms’s gets sent – now that is expensive. Thank you Vodacom for worldwide coverage and the ability to empty airtime with 3 sms’s… And then you get your boarding call. Down the pathway again to the seat that will provide you with the next 6 hours of torture. Movies, gadgets, games, movies, games, music, gadgets, gadgets, gadgets, movies.

Finally we arrive in the land of smiles and the last thing you want to do is … smile. Go through customs and get your passport stamped and get your Visa paper. Play “I spy” and grab your luggage from the carousel. Walk up and down to find the nice little lady that will take you to bliss – aka your air-conditioned hotel room somewhere in crazy Bangkok. She greats you with a piece of paper that has you name on and you master a radiant smile. Follow her to breath in the air of your new home. OR NOT. You get hit by a wall of humid air and with short breaths you tell her: “I need to smoke”. Lovely little things - cigarettes.