The
journey to Abu Dhabi
So after an amazing (already life
changing) 3 weeks in Thailand I decided to start this blog. Follow this amazing
journey that Steven and I undertook to the beautiful land of smiles.
The adventure started out on the 10th of August with Steven and me boarding the train on O.R. International airport in Johannesburg South Africa. One bag of luggage for the both of us to share and one bag of hand luggage for each of us were all that we took with into the unknown. (Don’t be fooled by the one bag of hand luggage each – this only consisted out of one pillow each. Take your pillow with you and you will feel at home anywhere in the world.) Our philosophy – travel light and make the journey as easy as possible. Foreign currency (Thai Baht) stitched into our pockets, Passports in hand and mixed emotions of excitement, sadness and a hint of fear we were ready for the queue at customs.
After our sad goodbyes we queued at customs. Deodorant had to be taken out of the bags and the bottle of contact lenses solution raised an eyebrow or two. But alas, through we went. Down the narrow walkway all the way up to the Etihad-airways airplane door
A very
friendly stewardess greeted us with a humble “wai” (this is the Thai way of
showing respect. A gesture where you hold the palms of your two hands together
in front of you in a prayer-like way and the bow your head.) Economy class it
was. Two seat next to each other – one window and one isle seat. Stuffing your
luggage into the small compartment above the seats you hope that everything
will go well and say your short prayer and ask God to bless the journey.
And so we took our seats. A massive
comfortable seat for any midget that is not taller than 50cm. But for two big,
above 180cm and 80kg, blokes this promised to be a very uncomfortable 8 hours. And
then we started to see all the gadgets – nothing gets any testosterone driven
machine as excited as a few high tech gadgets. The monitor in the seat in front
of you promised a world of entertainment once you are thousands of kilometers
above solid earth and crossing over the borders of your beloved country.
So we started to test the
gadgets - flipped our seats up and down,
tested the console to operate the technical box of fun in front of us, looking
in the seat pockets what is up for grabs and oh ya we messaged the folks that
we are “comfortable” in our seats. You know how family and friends can stress
when you are going into the world of adventure and they have to sit at
home-boring-home.
On came the seatbelt light and the
captain said “welcome to Etihad airways” we are leaving right on schedule and
will arrive in Abu Dhabi right on time – 19:50. The airplane taxied out and we
waved through the little windows (which is kind of useless because the folks
waving out of the ginormous windows can’t see you through the window that was
created for the world of midgets. Then the massive engines kicked in and the
excitement grew. We were air borne. Leaving the place that we called home for
the last 27 (Brian) and 19 (Steven) years. The only land we ever knew – never
going farther than the coastline of home country.
Cool gadget number one that we tested
– front camera. Amaaazing. It is a small camera mounted on the front of the
plane and you can see how you take off and how the ground is just falling away
under the massive iron bird. Obviously this started to bore two add guys within
the first 10 minutes and we switched to gadget number two – BOTTOM camera.
Again – amaaazing. You can see everything that is going on underneath the
plane. Again we were bored after 5 minutes – how interesting can it be to watch
cities and trees? So we switched to the next gadget. And this gadget turned out
to be our best friend after 6 or 7 hours in the air. This is a nifty little
program that shows you your flight path, temperature outside (useless but
cool), temperature inside (as if the senses in your skin does not work
properly), altitude (scary) and speed that you are travelling at (very cool –
will my bike be able to do that?). So this gadget (cool as it was) also bored
us after a few minutes.
Movie time! But more importantly – drinking
time! The friendly stewardess heaved the massive trolley up the isle and you
think by yourself – if they can make trolleys that big why the heck can’t they
make seats that big?! And now we were faced with the choice – which
(alcohol-filled) beverage should we have first? Dad did warn us about getting
drunk on the airplane – apparently jetlag sucks when you are drunk – but then
again, most things do!
We both opted for some or other very
foreign, very cold beer. Was it nice? Dude its beer… And as with any other foul
tasting substance that we choose to put into our bodies in the name of fun it
is an acquired taste. Well we got the taste, could not acquire it…
Time for food! Whoohoo. Since we did
not have breakfast, we were overjoyed with the promise of steamy tummy filling
food. We realized it is not only the seats that are small… We figured the
amount of food was kept to a minimum to ensure that we will fit easier on your
connecting flight’s seats.
Movie number two. A bit of tetris. Some music. Movie
three (halfway). More alcohol. I need to peeeee. Now this is a very challenging
bodily function when you are on a monstrous aircraft full of strange people and
ogling air stewards. The main problem seemed to be getting the very narrow isle
(how the heck did that trolley fit through here), until you get to the toilet
and you realize that even in the air people have to queue. So you wait and see
how they prepare your next scrumptious meal (snack) in the kitchen (toilet
waiting area). Your bladder is telling you all sorts of things of how much
liquid there actually were in that small can of beer and that all of that
liquid seriously have to get out – NOW! The door open and you rush into the
toilet and gets stopped in your tracks by the wall that is right in front of
your nose – good luck Pinochio. And you think by yourself: “Self. How many
challenges can there possibly be to get rid of one (tiny) can of beer?”. Well
you shift your (number 32) butt out of
the way. Lock and relock … and double check the door. Unzip. Aaaaaah! Then you
press the little button next to the toilet and you stay the $%&%^&#
away from the gaping hole! If they were to design a Kirby with that suction
power you will be able to vacuum your house’s carpet in Pretoria while you are
standing in Capetown. The satisfying feeling of relieve quickly subsides when
you realize you actually have to get back to your seat halfway up the isle and
everyone staring at you know that you have just faced the scary hole in the
tiny cubicle and touched your winky.
Finally back in your seat. Let’s
watch the other half of the movie. And play more games. Look at the gadget –
okay so we have been in the air for a whole of 3 hours 15 minutes. Aaaaaargh.
The little airplane on the screen shows that we are hanging somewhere above
dark, scary Africa.
After another meal and some Vodka
(whatever you do - DO NOT order a double. You see they designed the glasses to
be in accord with the toilet space and leg room and windows and seats and…
and... and. If you put two shots with one ice cube in the glass guess how much
OJ you can fir in the glass? NONE!), you watch another movie – foreign movies
of which you do not understand a word suddenly gets very entertaining.
Can we just get there?! And so the
sound of the pilot’s voice comes over the monitor: “jkwlfgyw oidahfi isoswosw
ugvfty!”. Yup you heard right – apparently it roughly translate to: “Whoohoo we
are in Abu Dhabi. Thank you for supporting our fight against big people and
enjoying our inflight beverages designed to get you drunk and not full”.
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